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| Being Conditional with Our Children | It is the second wrong step we do dealing with our children. Nothing is more powerful in convincing them to look outward rather than inward for answers. Some specific examples:
When we show for example our lover to them under some conditions:
-“Have you done your homework? No? Oh, in this case you are not my loving son!”
Showing them love only when they're perfect which sends them the message that they deserve love only when they meet our expectations of perfection!
Making our children believe that we love them for the great images we want them to be but not for their original nature.
Loosing Faith in Our Children
Another common message that occurs in many family environments is that we have little or no faith in our children to make the right choices. This lack of faith in them always encourages our children to place more trust in external signals than internal ones.
Parental Control and Domination
Parents always thought that the best teaching and bringing up method for their children is to pin over them a great control and limitations. It means using force and truth at the parent’s advantage. The basic premise is that, if we choose to twist our children's arms into becoming the adults we want them to be rather than coach and guide them to making choices for themselves, we're setting them up to be like us: externally directed. Let's look at three categories of control and domination:
Type of domination that involves stealthy tactics like guilt, martyrdom, and shame and conveys a sense of conditional love and approval to children.
By developing in kids these feelings we make them feel stressed and dominated. In adult life every time they deal with such models they will feel a bit confused and moreover irritated sometimes about them. Try to escape using such forms of influence on your children.
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