 Three parenting behaviors cause bad reactions in our children: incorrect behavior in our own lives, being conditional with our children, and not having faith in our children.
Modeling Incorrect Behavior in Our Own Lives
We are the best models for our children, so when we fall under influence of external factors our children copy our behavior whether it is good or bad. How we act, feel, and think is crucial, because our children see us as a reflection of the outside world-as an example to follow in future adult life. And since most of us are externally directed to some degree, we want to be accepted by others too. If we're not careful, though, the behavior we model will reflect an over-reliance on external influences.
Parents must avoid:
1. working out “right image” on special occasions
2. making conditions on the approval we receive
3. forcing the expected mutuality
4. Mishandling our feelings
How the last item is connected with the development of external or unacceptable behavior in our children?
Suppressing negative feelings send children the message that "feelings are very bad and should be buried." Children are then reluctant to use their own feelings as internal cues to guide them in constructive ways.
Misdirecting feelings by taking them out on someone else sends children the message that other people's feelings are their responsibility and perhaps even their fault. Our children then learn to use other's feelings as something that steers their thoughts and actions.
Clinging to negative feelings teaches our children that really bad emotions have no solution. They're just something they need to put up with.
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