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|There are some common parental patterns and methods to make children feel, think, behave and even speak. It is a bad parent’s habit to use these tricks and we want to list all of them not to be followed.|
Criticism and Grumbling
By these forms of behavior parents show their children that they ar eon the wrong side of the street called “good behavior”. They, therefore, grow to believe that there are conditions placed on our love and approval of them and that they must rely on us and others in authority to measure their performance and self-worth.
Judgments and Evaluations
Judgments and evaluations represent our own observations and conclusions being forced upon our children on the basis that our view points and world acceptance is better than their ones. Here are some examples:
"Latin is a dead language, what the sense if its study?"
"You're just naturally stupid. But don’t worry; it’s not your fault."
Affirmations can even be a form of evaluation, too. Look at these examples:
"It's OK, I was totally obsessed with my hair in junior high, too".
Any time we make statements like these, it sends our children the message that they are not ideal, not the ones our parents want us to be. That the only way to be better is to be the perfect image of parents, and what to do if it’s not possible? Whenever we make assessments about our children, we must be sure to get across to them that these are opinions, not edicts carved in stone.
Rebuke and Illogical Punishment
Whereas criticism is a warning to our children that they've strayed off the course we've set for them, reprimand or rebuke means they have already done something not correct or even horrible. They often reflect our negative feelings, especially anger and disappointment. Using such phrases as “how dare you”, “how you could even think of doing it?” and so on make children disappointed and upset all the times they hear such words.
Illogical punishment influences even greater. Examples include whipping children for not telling the truth, making them write different stupid promises on a sheet of paper, and sending them to bed without supper for making mistakes in their control papers.
Such punishments only make our children focus their attention externally on how angry they are with us and accomplish little in correcting their bad behavior. Children generally heed reprimand and punishment because they fear reprisal, not because it's the right thing to do.